Well Happy New Year guys. Well its official I have taken my last birth control pill and we are going to start trying for a rainbow baby soon. I am so excited I can't wait to be pregnant again and I pray everything goes great and we have no complications this time. We are going back to UAMS with this pregnancy due to the fact I love them and they will take care of me and the baby and they have the best equipment there is in the state of Arkansas and I will be high risk this pregnancy. Im so excited and scared at the same time. Im ready to be a earth mommy! Oh! We finally got Lainey's headstone it looks so good I love it! Photo below! The new year brings new joys and new tears but I want to make the best of this year and enjoy every minute! I have a wonderful and supportive family who has been through all of this no matter how bad it got I love y'all. All I have to say is Lord help me through this year and hold my family close because I am truly not sure if we can handle anymore bad news! Grant us peace and hold us as we try for another child and watch over us as we go through this wonderful journey of love. Peace and love to all of y'all and count your blessings because they may not be there tomorrow!
Well ok so I got to meet one of the cutest baby girls ever today! Beth is adorable and with her being a rainbow baby I felt a since of hope for the future! I can not wait to get pregnant! I want a baby to hold and bring home and raise! I want it now! Santa all I want for christmas is to be pregnant and have a happy healthy baby by next christmas! I am so thankful for everyone that has been there for me thru all this and the ones that have been supportive thru all my good and bad days. I am going to have a good christmas but I know that I will have my moments. I love all of u so much!
Lainey's Fall Spray
Ok so last post til after the holidays. I was told today that im not ready to start trying for another baby and as much as this breaks my heart I guess I have to just roll with it and see how it plays out. But im going to say this one thing first....this is my house my life my family and unless you know everything that we are going thru behind closed doors stay out of my business I understand you are helping but its not so I appreciate it all but I just am tired of everyone in my business so im done with it. I am going to live my life and deal with the hand god gave me. And I will talk about Lainey because she was born she was just born back unto god. Have I found all my faith in him back no but I have come to the conclusion that he may be the only one who gives a care about me so as far as humans I have no faith in u at least god has a little of my faith. Happy holidays everyone and have a happy new year!
Ok do does anyone else have days where you feel like everyone is against you and your no matter how hard you try you can win...yeah that's how I feel today...it is 6:30am and I have not slept yet and do t think I will...I just feel wide awake and like I want to punch someone....on a brighter note got the draft for Lainey Jay 's headstone yesterday I mailed it back today her stone should be set before christmas im so excited! It looks awesome can't wait to see final result. Anyway I think when I get pregnant this time I am going to tell the family and no one else...nobody ever sees me so I can hide it...that way I don't have to deal with all the ppl...who knows maybe no one will know til the baby is here and several months old...lol yea right I wish....oh well I guess I can dream....well im going to change out laundry later gators!
ok well I have been looking at baby names getting a head start! Me and Eric have decided that December 31st will be the last birth control pill I will take and we will start trying for a Rainbow Baby...I am so ready but at the same time i am terrified but my excitement overpowers my horror...I am ready to be an earth baby mommy I will always be a mommy just my daughter plays with Angels. I will always be paranoid because of what I have been thru but that only makes me stronger and with what my daughter has shown me that she has seen for me How can i not want to try agian and move on with my life. there is no other way but to move and and honor Lainey in anyway I can. Her siblings will know about her and talk about her and they will understand that they have the best Guardian angel ever and she is their sister and she loves them and watches over them everyday! I also want to let everyone know that I am still fine I am moving forward and I can not wait to watch my children grow!
Thank you for everyone that has supported me thru this and i appreciate everything.