Ok so I have felt horrible for the past week and with meds and being sick I have slept ALOT lol so today since I have actually felt better it got me thinking again as usual. And all my feelings came flooding in as I was watching I didn't know I was pregnant (yea yea I know I pretty much did it to myself) and I really feel empty and alone I know im not alone but I feel that way. I feel useless and confused...why...then I think I want to try again and I want to do it now I don't want to wait six months....im tired of the empty feeling I want to be pregnant again it is the best feeling and I then told myself when I get pregnant again I will not complain because if I knew then what I know now I would have enjoyed and documented and just took in every step of Lainey's journey so in honor of my little girl I will do all the above things and more with the next pregnancy. I promise Lainey I will make sure I feel EVERY MOVEMENT your baby sibling does and I will be aware of EVERY SINGLE detail of them and I promise that their name will be original and will not connect them to anyone because no one gets to lay claim to this next baby. I also promise that I will tell the new baby everyday how much they are loved by their big sister in heaven and that they have the best guardian angel in her. I also want EVERYONE to understand I am a mommy just my baby was so awesome that God wanted to keep her. I am a Mommy to an angel and I am very proud of that. I also want everyone to know that when I have another baby I don't have just one child I have two just one is in heaven and I will never forget her and will always include her in all family stuff. Geeze im a mess I really am a big mess and I feel broken......
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