August 25, 2011

Well it is offically my due date. Ahhh my angel i miss you so much i cant believe it has been 23 days since you got your wings and got to meet your Pawpaw and grandmas and uncles. I wish you were here with us so i could watch you grow but i know that in gods eyes you were just too beautiful for this earth and he was so excited to see how great and wonderful you were that he just couldnt let you go so he gave you wings before i got to meet you. I know one day ill see you again but right now im being selfish and i dont like to share i want you here with me. I know your happy and playing with everyone up there but that really isnt helping me right now i wish i had you here. I Love You Baby Girl. I visit you often baby i have been to your grave at least once a week since you have been there. I cant wait to get your headstone there so i can start adding more flowers. I promise i will always have flowers there and they will be beautiful always if they fade i will put fresh ones there you will never have ugly flowers angel. Also i am going to get you an angel that i can paint and put on your grave and i am going to make you a shadow box with all your stuff in it so i can see a part of you everyday. Oh and your Granny is going to make your big rabbit blanket into a hierloom and put all of our names on it and im going to hang it on the wall. Also i am so far keeping your plants alive and i hope i can until we get a new house cuz then im going to plant them in a garden im going to make for you baby. I love you baby girl and i will always love you and watch over Daddy and Uncle James while they are out fighting bad guys, keep them safe and protect them for me. Lainey Jay we love you and i know you are our own little angel. Love You Always, Mommy.


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Well Lainey Jay today has been difficult I have cried a lot, I am sorry I am trying to be strong, but its just not working. I am so glad I have your Daddy to help me thru because I honestly think if I didn't I couldnt get outta bed everyday. I miss you Baby Girl more than you will ever know. Today I was pleasantly surprised by your Uncle James and Aunt Niki and Your Brothers, they showed up at the house and woke Daddy up so we could go eat at CiCi's I had fun we went to the Mall afterwards, its funny I find myself still picking out clothes for you...I have so much stuff that you never got to see or use, I know your wearing the most beautiful pink robe and wings up there with your PawPaw, Jay, Kyle, Lucas and grandparents, but that still dont mean that I wish you could have seen all the wonderful stuff everyone picked out for you here. Baby Girl everyone is saying this will get easier but I just cant see how, I miss you more each day that passes. Granny said something that scared me today, she said she figures I will be pregnant agian by Christmas.....as much as I want to give you a Baby Brother or Sister I dont know if I can handle it...I honestly dont know if I am strong enough to go thru this agian ever, what if they leave me too. I am scared outta my mind that I will screw up agian, like I did with you, I know God had bigger plans for you and that you were just too beautiful for this earth but I still cant convince myself I didnt do anything wrong. I am so sorry Baby Girl I failed you I should have known something wasnt right...I promise this because this is the only thing I can give you is my promise, I promise that I will do everything in my power to make sure that your brother or sister will not end like you, and that when they are born and as they grow I will make sure that they know the wonderful Angel they have watching over them and that she was such a great sister already that God just couldnt give you up, so he kept the best Angel for them and that Angel is their Sister. Lainey Jay Hughes you are my world and I will love you more everyday until I see you agian. Fly Safe Baby Girl I Love You.

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